so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
