Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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