Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
