He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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