i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
