Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize