the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
