if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
