I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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