So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
