Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
