What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
