my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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