Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
