Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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