I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm at about main and main street
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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