The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
