I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
someone owes me an orgasm
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
