you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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