That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
