Your face is a jimmy john
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
