you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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