Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm going to jail i love you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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