I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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