i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
