Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
