we made out on top of his cat.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
