I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
