My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My cat gives me a boner
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
