After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
