So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
