Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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