I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
