I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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