He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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