Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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