Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
