I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
