It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drunk is not a location!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
