I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
