They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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