I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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