i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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