Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
