I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
FUCK WHALES
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
