omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
