I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
