i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
