His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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