Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
