i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
