people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
