i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
