I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
