So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
