i think my tv is drunk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
ok first of all what the fuck
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
