we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
