Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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