I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
