My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
