Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
