my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
