New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
