I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
