You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
