get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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