i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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