so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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