Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
