K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
