Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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