There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
